Choking
by TvQuEeN01
Summary: (My thoughts are choking, on you my dear)


Choking  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The summary and lyrics belong to Avril Lavigne. The song is called "Together".  
  
Spoilers: Lost and Found, Bait  
  
Pairings: Jack/Sam, although it's angst  
  
Summary: (My thoughts are choking, on you my dear)  
  
(Together)  
  
Her shoes had long since been taken off, and her feet were curled under her on the plush rolling chair that occupied her desk. Her middle finger traced the rim of the wine glass that sat at the desk next to her. She knew that it was against the rules to bring alcoholic beverages into a federal building, but at 2:30 in the morning, no one was around to yell at her. She glanced quickly at the clock on the far wall of the open floor and downed the rest of her red wine as she realized that Jack was halfway to Chicago by now.  
  
(It doesn't feel right at all)  
  
She wondered; if she had never been with Jack, if she would be sitting at work when the city was sleeping, drowning her sorrows in alcohol. She wondered if maybe, if it had never happened, that she might be dating someone, or maybe even engaged or married, maybe with a kid on the way. A bitter, rueful laugh bubbled to her lips at that last thought. If she had never been with Jack Malone, then she definitely would not be sitting here, trying to get over him.  
  
(Together)  
  
She glanced at the clock again. 2:31. Time sure does fly when you're trying to get over someone you loved, who just happened to be married with two kids. She often wondered if it had been this hard for Jack to get over her, but then scolded herself for thinking that, because if it had been this hard for him, he wouldn't be on a flight to Chicago with said wife and kids.  
  
(Together we've built a wall)  
  
Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes as she thought about all she gave up for him, but she angrily brushed them away with the palms of her hands. Going into their relationship, if you could even call it that, she had very little, but she gave it all up for him, and a small part of her hated herself for that. She gave him her independence - and her heart, the only two things she had left from her broken childhood, fractured family, and failed marriage. He took those things, and they built their own little world, where only they lived, and it was perfect; which should have been the first clue that it would never last. He took the only things she had, and he never gave them back.  
  
(Together, holding hands we'll fall)  
  
And fall they did, only, it was more her falling, him watching. He left her with nothing, because he took it all. And he just watched her fall, because when he ended it, he lost the right to catch her, but it was all so very screwed up, you see. Because he wanted to catch her, yet he was the one who pushed her. Everything about that relationship was screwed up, yet in her heart it all seemed to fit. However, she had learned a long time ago that following your heart doesn't guarantee you a happy ending. No, it certainly doesn't.  
  
(My heart is broken)  
  
Tears prickled at her eyes again, and when she looked at the clock, which now read 2:35, she didn't make an effort to stop them. She just let them blur her vision and cloud her eyes over until she saw her surroundings through a wet, foggy haze, which seemed fitting for the time being. Tears finally spilled over as a small part of her hated Jack for breaking her heart, for making her feel like she was everything, and then for making her feel like she was nothing.  
  
(I'm lying here)  
  
Another bitter laugh started bubbling in her throat, but her tears prevented it from escaping her lips. She was a beautiful, talented, young- ish woman, and the only thing she could think of to do on a Friday night was sit alone in her work office, wanting someone who stopped wanting her a long time, with an empty wine glass by her side.  
  
(My thoughts are choking)  
  
She hated being alone, because it gave her too much time to think. And thinking was bad. Because it was times like these, when she was alone and awake at 2:30 in the morning, sitting at the office, finger subconsciously tracing the rim of a wine glass, when she couldn't control her thoughts. And when she couldn't control her thoughts, they drifted to places she didn't want to go. Like her childhood, her family, her short- lived marriage, and Jack. And her mind, without her permission, brought up all the memories that she spent hundreds of days, thousands of fake smiles, and millions of tears trying to cover up, and she hated not having control.  
  
(On you, my dear)  
  
The sound of the elevator stunned her out of her reverie, and for a brief moment she panicked, because who would be coming to work at 2:38 in the morning? Besides her of course. Nothing could describe the millions of emotions and questions that ran through her head when she saw Jack Malone walk towards her, with a look that told her he had been searching for her, and he wasn't just here for work. So many things ran through her head, but all she could say was, "I thought you'd be halfway to Chicago by now," her words came out a little more bitter then when she said them in her head, but as she looked at the empty glass in her hands, she didn't care.  
  
"Marie and I are getting a divorce. She doesn't want me to come with her to Chicago."  
  
Dear God, she needed another glass of wine. 


End file.
